Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
