I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
