why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
