highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
