Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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