Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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