You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
