dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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