90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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