It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
