Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
