did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
