She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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