For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
