Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
do herpes really smell.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
