I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
