I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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