his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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