I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
