he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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