I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
