Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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