He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
