im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
