there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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