My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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