Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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