You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
