I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
