Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize