tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
