Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's official drugs can't kill me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
