All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
