It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
