what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i've created a new STD.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
