I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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