I think my vagina is haunted
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
