Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
