Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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