I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
