The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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