Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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