I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
As shirtless as possible
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
