please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
