my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
