she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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