New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
