I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
