i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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