Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
