Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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