I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
