Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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