thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
