maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
