It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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