mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
