I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
