I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
