The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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