Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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