Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
