I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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