you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
