Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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