my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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