Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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