i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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