Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
