Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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