Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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