Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
