Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
