All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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