just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
